CHAPTER SIX

A Strange Baby and Some Pepper

Alice stood looking at the house, wondering what to do. Suddenly, a well-dressed servant came running from the other side of the wood. Alice knew he was a servant because of his clothes. Although his clothes were all that looked like a servant's, looking at his face, she would have said he was a fish.

The Fish-Servant knocked loudly at the door, which was opened by another servant dressed in the same clothes. But this servant had a round face and large eyes like a frog. Even though they were a fish and a frog, both servants had hair that curled all around their heads. Becoming more curious every minute, she quietly walked out of the wood so that she could listen to their conversation.

The Fish-Servant produced a huge letter from under his arm. The letter was nearly as large as he was. He handed the letter over to the other servant, saying very seriously, "For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to play croquet."

The Frog-Servant repeated the words in the same serious tone, but he changed the words order. "From the Queen," he said, "An invitation for the Duchess to play croquet."

Then they both stood looking at each other and bowed. As they did so, their curly hair got all tied up together.

Alice found this such a funny sight that she had to run back into the wood to laugh loudly, so they would not hear her. When she came out, the Fish-Servant had left, but the other one was sitting on the ground near the door.

Alice walked quietly up to the door and knocked.

"Knocking at the door isn't of any use," said the Frog-Servant, "for two reasons, first, I'm on the same side of the door as you and can't open it for you. Secondly, they're inside making too much noise to possibly hear you."

Truly, there was an amazing amount of noise coming from inside—there was constant crying and sneezing. Also, every now and then Alice could hear what seemed to be a terrible crash, as if dishes were being thrown about and broken to pieces.

"Please, please," asked Alice, "how am I to get in then?"

"Well, I shall sit here," the Frog-Servant remarked, not answering her question, "at least until tomorrow."

Just then the front door of the house opened. A very large plate came flying out and looked like it was heading straight at the Frog-Servant's head. Fortunately, it flew past his nose and broke into several pieces against one of the trees behind him.

"Or next day, perhaps," the Servant continued, paying no attention to what had just happened.

"Oh, what's the use of talking to him," Alice said, throwing her hands up in the air. "He's a perfect idiot."

With that, she went inside the house and found herself standing in the middle of a large kitchen. The kitchen was fall of smoke. On a three-legged stool sat the Duchess, holding a baby. The cook was leaning over a large pot of soup that was on the fire.

"I really think there's too much pepper in that soup," Alice declared. And then she sneezed loudly.

Not only in the soup, there was too much pepper in the air. Even the Duchess kept sneezing. The poor baby was also sneezing and then crying the next minute.

There were only two creatures in the kitchen who didn't sneeze, the cook and a large cat, which was near the fireplace, smiling from ear to ear.

"Could you please tell me," Alice asked the Duchess shyly, "why that cat is smiling like that?"

"He's a Cheshire Cat," answered the Duchess impatiently, "and that's why. Pig!"

Suddenly Alice began to shake all over in fright, alarmed by the Duchess' high and unpleasant tone of voice. Then, she realized that "Pig" was addressed to the baby, so she gathered up her courage and continued, "I didn't know that Cheshire Cats always smiled. In fact, I didn't even know that it was possible for cats to smile."

"Of course they can," replied the Duchess sharply, looking angrily at Alice, "and most of them do."

"I don't know of a single cat that smiles, nor have I heard of any before," Alice said politely.

"You don't know very much," replied the Duchess, "I'm sure about that."

Alice thought that remark was very rude, so she decided to change the subject. The cook took the soup pot off the fire and began to throw everything that was in the house at the Duchess and the baby.

"Please, watch what you're doing!" cried Alice, jumping about in fright. "You don't want to hit the baby!" With that, a large saucepan flew by, right over the head of the child.

"If everybody would just mind their own business," the Duchess ordered, "the world would go around a great deal faster than it does."

"But the world going around faster wouldn't be a good thing," remarked Alice, anxious to show the Duchess her knowledge. "You see, it takes only twenty-four hours for the world to turn on its axis. It would be very confusing if night and day went any faster."

"Speaking of axes," cried the Duchess as loud as she could, "Chop off her head!"

Alice looked at the cook to see if she had listened to the Duchess, but she was busy stirring the soup.

All through their conversation the Duchess, who seemed very upset, was singing a song to the baby she was holding. But at the end of each verse, she shook the child, making it cry so loudly that Alice could hardly hear the words.

"Here! You play with the baby," the Duchess said, almost throwing the child toward Alice. "I have to go play croquet with the Queen."

Alice was most ready to take good care of the baby after seeing it treated so badly. She rocked it softly in her arms. However, the more she looked at the baby, the stranger it seemed. She couldn't help but notice the turned-up nose which looked more like an animal's nose than a baby's nose. Not only that, but the baby's eyes were extremely small.

When the infant began to make a noise, Alice thought it must be crying. So she looked into its eyes to see if there were any tears. But there weren't any. "If you're suddenly going to become a pig," said Alice quite seriously, "then I'll have nothing more to do with you."

The next time the creature made a noise so loud and strange that Alice became alarmed. No mistake in it now; the baby had definitely turned into a pig. So Alice placed it on the ground and was quite happy to see it run away quietly into the wood.

"What an ugly child it would have grown into," Alice said to herself, "but I think it makes a pretty handsome pig."

As she started to walk away, Alice saw the Cheshire Cat, sitting on the branch of a tree just a few feet away.

The Cat smiled very wide as soon as he saw Alice. He looked like he had a pleasant nature. Still, he also had very long claws and a great many teeth, so Alice thought it best to treat him with respect.

"Cheshire-Puss," she began, rather quietly, for she didn't know whether or not he would like the name.

However, the Cat, even though his smile was already wider than any Alice had ever seen, only smiled more. Well, he must be pleased, guessed Alice, so she continued, "Could you tell me, please, where I should go from here?"

"That really depends largely on where you want to go," said the Cat.

"I don't really much care where—" said Alice.

"Then why are you worried about which way you go," said the Cat before Alice could even finish her sentence.

"I just want to get somewhere else," Alice explained.

"Oh, I'm sure you can easily do that," remarked the Cat, "if you walk long enough."

"Tell me," Alice asked, "what kind of people live around here?"

"Over there," said the Cat, showing the direction with his right paw, "lives a Hatter and in that direction," he said, waving the other paw, "lives the March Hare. Go and visit whichever one you like. They're both mad."

"But I don't want to visit crazy people," Alice remarked.

"Oh, there's nothing you can do about that," explained the Cat. "We are all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."

"And how do you know I'm mad?" asked Alice.

"You must be mad," said the Cat, "otherwise you wouldn't have ended up here."

Alice didn't think the Cat's argument proved anything at all. However, she continued, "How do you know that you're crazy?"

"To begin with," said the Cat, "a dog isn't crazy. Do you agree with me?"

"I guess so," said Alice.

"Well, then," the Cat continued, "a dog, when it's angry, growls. A dog moves its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and my tail moves when I'm angry. Therefore, I must be crazy."

"That's purring, not barking!" said Alice.

"Call it whatever you like," said the Cat. "Are you going to play croquet with the Queen today?"

"I'd like to," said Alice, "but to be honest I haven't been invited yet."

"Look for me at the croquet game," said the Cat smiling, and disappeared right in front of her eyes.

(end of section)